This week I got the chance to sit down with two interesting folk. Oneshoe (Waywocket/Nackle/?) and Beregond Tealeaf of the Taman Shud Forest. Together they are the presidents of a new organization in Palisade that is fighting for Gerbil rights: Right Rights for Gerbils (Not Left Rights)((That’s Disgusting)), also known as the RRG(NLR)((TD)).
When and how was your organization founded?
Oneshoe: Our super important organization was founded a few weeks ago when I came to Palisade and saw how deeply oppressed gerbil kind is here. I knew then that things needed to change, and held our first rally. Then my co-president showed me how Left Righters we’re making it even worse for gerbil kind (gerbil-Palisadians in particular)! Some people would suggest even preforming orphan testing on gerbils first INSTEAD of humans! Unbelievable, right?
Beregond: As she said, it was founded very recently, right here in Palisade. I had just arrived too and there was this really busy rally going on about gerbil rights and I checked it out. Next thing you know it went from a simple rally to a full fledge organization devoted primarily to the ensuring every gerbil has its right rights. Secondarily, we aim to eliminate the movement of left rights for gerbils, because they are only out for self gain off of the backs of the gerbils.
How do you each individually connect to the RRG(NLR)((TD)) movement?
Beregond: Where I come from, in the Toman Shud Forest, right rights for gerbils don’t even need to be voiced. It’s just a fact of life and nature (which is life in itself). In fact, we even have legends of great gerbils in all aspects of greatness. Warriors, mathematicians, doctors, builders, and more. Here though, the only story I have heard about the gerbils are vermin. That’s from those who aren’t aware of any rights for gerbils, anyway. Those who are supporters of the left rights fro gerbils talk a load of nonsense that I just cannot get into here.
Oneshoe: Where I’m from it’s the same; gerbils have so many right-rights that they don’t even need to be called rights. Left-rights is unheard of! The complete lack of rightness in Palisade means we have to start from the ground up.
Why are Gerbil rights so important in modern times?
Oneshoe: Gerbils are very important members of society that can help a lot! They have great ideas and are fantastic jugglers. We’d all do a lot better if they had equal authority with the rest of us. But because they’ve been so oppressed, they’re reduced to nothing more than demeaned members. That’s sad.
Beregond: Additionally, it is the belief of some that gerbils are the wisest of all races. Whether or not that is true is hard to say as wiseness is difficult to measure, but we definitely won’t know if they’re being oppressed, will we?
What is the biggest battle facing the RRG(NLR)((TD))?
Oneshoe: I didn’t think we’d be fighting anyone but it sounds like fun! As co-president I’d like to officially say we’re open to the donation of big battles. Strictly BYOB (Bring Your Own Battle(axe)).
Beregond: I am not sure that is what she meant. Without a doubt it is the fungus that has been following us. I have been trying to ward it off with some herbal remedies but I haven’t been entirely successful thus far. I will be meditating under the next full moon to see if I can come up with a new method to rid us of it, so we’ll see how that goes. The main problems that the fungus will cause is the destruction of our signs and socks. Those are the two most crucial elements of rallies, which is our main way of spreading awareness of RRG(NLR(TD)). I guess it would also be an issue if we advance to using notices to stick around Palisade… Now, I wish to be clear, I am not suggesting that the left righters are behind the fungus, nor that the fungus is a supporter of left rights for gerbils. I believe that it is just a coincidence that we have become its target, but I will be doing some investigating in order to discover the fungus’s ulterior motive.
What has been the biggest accomplishment of the RRG(NLR)((TD))?
Beregond: We won a tavern quiz the other day. I was very proud for RRG(NLR(TD)) because it was a really difficult quiz. I’m pretty sure there was a left righter in one of the other teams, too.
Oneshoe: Plus, we’ve doubled our membership so far, and all in one day! We’re two-strong now.
Can you expand further on the LRG movement, which you claim is disgusting?
Oneshoe: Of course! Left Rights for Gerbils want gerbil kind to have just left-rights, which completely alienates their rightful right-rights. It only furthers the oppression problem under the false banner of helping!
Beregond: Yes, you see, we are all about the right rights for gerbils. The left righters differ from us because they are all about left rights for gerbils. Isn’t that foul?
Oneshoe: Even worse, the existence of Left-Righters muddles what good organizations like Right-Righters are trying to do, making it harder to accomplish anything at all. Are you confused? Exactly. That’s the fault of Left-Righters. If they’d get out of the way, things would be much more clear cut and we’d be able to actually get things done.
Beregond: It’s simply disgusting.
Oneshoe: It really is. But a friendly piece of advice – don’t try too hard to understand Left-Righters. That’s how they brainwash you to their side. It’s underhanded but effective. That’s how they grew to their incredible size. Three members total in six short months! Appalling.
What do people misunderstand most about your movement?
Beregond: I’ve had a whole lot of people think that gerbils are the same as hamsters, but they’re not. I’m not saying that hamsters don’t deserve some sort of rights too, but that’s another battle for someone else. Perhaps I’ll help with that when right rights for gerbils is primarily run by the gerbils themselves.
Oneshoe: On top of that most people who do know the difference think right-rights for gerbils aren’t important, or that gerbils don’t deserve any rights – right or left. That’s terribly prejudiced thinking.
What are your next steps as an organization?
Beregond: <*looks around and points to the right*> That way, I think.
Oneshoe: In all seriousness, spreading awareness so more people can support their local gerbils.
Is there anything else you wish people knew about RRG(NLR)((TD))?
Beregond: Yes, we will be having a rally soon where we will be recruiting new members.
Oneshoe: Plus it is very important that everyone know we’re definitely have absolutely no current plans for orphan testing. On humans. None at all. Any connection between newly-orphaned orphans and RRG(NLR)((TD)) is purely coincidental.
Beregond: Also, be very careful if you talk to a left righter. They’re cunning and will get you to join their cause without you realising. Not only that but, once a left righter, you will be hurting the right righters’ cause and gerbil kind itself.
How can people help support your cause?
Oneshoe: Holding rallies is a great thing to do – it’s doubled our membership so far!
Beregond: Other than becoming a member, I find its really helpful for people to knit RRG(NLR(TD)) socks and distribute them to the local gerbils. If you do this, however, they prefer toe socks, not the typical mitten socks.
Oneshoe: And supporting right-rights can start right at home. Find a gerbil near you and encourage them to take on a greater role in society. Because they’re so oppressed, you might have to do it for them. But once everyone sees how great a job they WOULD’VE done and accepts them, you can shift the power to the right-empowered gerbil. It takes time but it’s the best thing to do!