Cooking with Pan – Black Mountain Omelette

  • Ingredients
  • 3 Free Range Swizzard Eggs
  • 1 Small Vial of Black Spice
  • 3 Sprigs of Mountain Parsley


  1. Place all ingredients in your magical cooking device.
  2. Wait until it informs you it is ready.
  3. Enjoy at your leisure, keeping it in the magical cooking device until you do not wish to have any more. 

Directions if cooking with an inferior nonmagical device. 

  1. Whisk together 2 and 1/3 of the eggs’ whites with 2 and 7/8 of the eggs’ yolks in a large pitcher. 
  2. Add half of the Black Spice to this mixture and let sit for exactly 27 minutes.
  3. While it is resting, use a mortar and pestle to crush 2 of the sprigs of Mountain Parsley. 
  4. Add the remaining 2/3 of an egg white to this paste. 
  5. Sprinkle in the remaining Black Spice and place in a cold place for precisely 11 minutes.
  6. Place your inferior cooking device on the heat source. You must maintain exactly 134° while cooking.
  7. Begin by pouring in your pitcher of egg mixture, ensuring it has set for exactly 27 minutes.
  8. Stir continuously for 89 seconds.
  9. Add the paste, also ensuring it has been in the cold place for precisely 11 minutes, stirring to incorporate it.
  10. Continue cooking and stirring for 43 seconds.
  11. Remove pan from heat and top with remaining 1/8 egg yolk and the last spring of Mountain Parsley.
  12. Immediately remove from heat and eat quickly. It does not sit well and will go bad in under 5 minutes.

Entry 001 – Pan!!! 

December 16th, 2017

The no-qualifiers had signed their contracts stating they had to go and acquire “the kemlek object” from the house of Lord Gist. They broke in, found the object, were spotted by a maid and had to flee, taking several arrows and there was much blood and drama. 

Beregond, the druid, wounded and having to hide, overheard some guardsmen of unknown origin giving out uncannily precise descriptions of the adventurers.

When they reached safety, in the carriage house of a wealthy manor nearby, they regrouped and made a plan for getting past the checkpoint in the inner wall surrounding Old Town. They made it, with Art, the tiefling priest, driving and Oneshoe, the barbarian, doing the talking, the two dwarven twins under tarps and the rest hidden in barrels.

Holing up in the tiefling priest’s temple in the harbour ward, they took a look at the kemlek object they had liberated and had some fun going into drooling comas talking to it. 

The pan identified itself as Pan and was quite talkative once the formalities were over, dreaming of omeletting days gone by and eager to share its wisdom if the no-qualifiers could get it some ingredients to jog its memory. 

Having hunted for ingredients such as swizzard eggs and black spice, and experimented with Pan and its cooking moods, they came to realise there were several things Pan had overheard in the many, many years he’d been in Lord Gist’s house. Some of the most important happenings were:

There was recently a “pulse” that awoke Pan

The dinner 26 years ago featured a spectacular poison that drove the victim mad

On their way out for ingredients, the no qualifiers were attacked by some uncouth ruffians in blue capes, who obviously held this part of town in an iron grip, and ended up having to hide in a store. They had looted a kemlek object from one of the ruffians and it turned out to be a magical carrier pigeon that could send a message. Sending a message to Art’s temple to come pick them up, they escaped the area and had time to rest a bit and talk to Pan (who was very excited). 

The group decided to keep Pan, and had the dwarves make a replacement pan, made from the repurposed kemlek of the magical bird they had looted. 

They turned in the fake pan, were paid, and Sef, their handler at the Guild, suggested taking an assignment outside the city until things cooled off.